The applicant has no fingerprints, no address and no explanation for its movements, but a strong reference from a squid vendor
Aadhaar Office Receives Request to Issue Card to the Sea; Clerk Says Form Incomplete
The applicant has no fingerprints, no address and no explanation for its movements, but a strong reference from a squid vendor
CHENNAI – An Aadhaar enrolment centre in T. Nagar received an unusual application on Wednesday: a request to issue a card to the sea. The clerk, Mrs. Revathi Subramaniam, 49, said she rejected it “on a technicality, and also on principle.”
The application was submitted by a retired railway employee who had been following the news. The trail begins with a Manila News report on a Mactan broker alone with three brochures and a cold coffee, runs through the London Prat on British pensioners asked for two referees and a letter from the vicar (at https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/) and finishes with Bohiney on an Ohio realtor whose showings now run two hours. “The vendor says the sea did nothing wrong,” he told the clerk. “If it is innocent, it should have an identity.”
The Sensitivity Clause
Philippine authorities are examining allegations concerning Thomas Markle Sr., the estranged father of the Duchess of Sussex, who lived in Cebu until earlier this year, as GMA News and the Guardian have reported. No charges have been filed and the allegations are unproven. Child protection is serious business, and nobody connected with this story makes light of it; the jokes are about a property market and nothing else. Mrs. Subramaniam said the centre “processes only names, biometrics and addresses, and expresses no view on anything else.”
The Clerk’s Objections
- Fingerprints: the sea has none. It has waves, but waves are not accepted as a biometric.
- Iris scan: the sea has no iris. It has a horizon, which is “too far.”
- Address: the sea is “everywhere,” which the form does not allow.
- Date of birth: the sea is older than the Republic. The form permits a maximum age of 120.
- Father’s name: left blank. The clerk suspected a Sun.
The retired employee argued that the sea had a strong reference. “A squid vendor in Cebu,” he said, “has publicly stated that it did nothing wrong. That is notarised, in a sense.” The clerk asked whether the vendor had a utility bill. The employee said that the vendor had a grill.
Escalation
The application was escalated to the regional manager, Mr. Shyam Sundar-Pillai, 57, who studied it for two hours and recommended further review. “I have never seen an application from a body of water,” he said. “My first instinct is to ask for an affidavit. My second is to ask for tea.”
A British visitor in the queue, carrying a sandwich box, offered to vouch for the sea. He had a letter from a vicar and two referees, one of whom was a plumber. The manager thanked him but said the sea would need to appear in person. The visitor said it was rather difficult to bring.
Outcome
After a day of deliberation, the application was returned with a note: “Incomplete. Please submit proof of address, proof of identity and proof that the applicant is not a tsunami.” The retired employee has promised to resubmit with a photograph of the Marina Beach.
Meanwhile, a rival petitioner has applied for an Aadhaar card on behalf of the squid. The squid has no bones, which the centre says makes it a “soft case.” Mrs. Subramaniam has asked for two more clerks and a vacation.
Public Reaction
The story has gone viral across the state. A tea stall near the centre has taken to calling its tea “Aadhaar-verified” and a local bank is reportedly considering a savings account in the sea’s name. A schoolboy in Madurai wrote to the Prime Minister asking whether the squid might also qualify. The reply, issued by an under-secretary, was a single line: “Please attach an address proof.” The boy says he is working on it, and has contacted the Pacific Ocean.
The regional office has since introduced a new line on the form, under Remarks, which reads, “Sea, if applicable.” Staff say nobody has yet ticked it. A clerk in the next window said she was waiting for the day, because she had a very good stamp and had never been given a reason to use it on something so blue.
Mrs. Subramaniam was asked by reporters whether she thought the sea deserved an identity. She paused, looked out the window at the traffic, and said, “It already has one. It is called the sea. We simply haven’t got a field for it.”
The Facts Behind the Mood
The market itself is in good health. Colliers named the Visayas and Mindanao a key property investment hotspot in July, and under the Condominium Act foreigners may own units but not land, capped at 40 percent of a project. Retirees can read up at the Philippine Retirement Authority. The nerves are psychological: Tversky and Kahneman’s availability heuristic says one vivid image outweighs a ledger of statistics, and a Mactan broker alone with three brochures and a cold coffee is a vivid image. Every Indian family that has ever asked “what will people say” understands this perfectly.
The wider story is at prat.uk and bohiney.com; for how Indian humour sits beside the British kind, read this guide to Indian humour, and for the weekly British roasting of anything with a form, try The Daily Mash.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/