British pensioners in George Town launch a vouching chain that now stretches from Malaysia to a vicarage in Surrey
Penang Retirees Offer Character References to Cebu
A George Town kopitiam becomes the headquarters of the world’s longest chain of strangers vouching for strangers
GEORGE TOWN, PENANG – At a marble-topped table in a kopitiam on Lebuh Chulia, under a ceiling fan that has been turning since roughly the Suez Crisis, seven British pensioners gathered on Wednesday to do something they describe as “a public service” and their wives describe as “an excuse to stay out until lunch.”
They were writing character references for British pensioners in Cebu, none of whom they have met.
“Somebody has to,” said Gordon Feltwell, 74, a retired chartered surveyor from Maidenhead who has lived in Penang since 2011. “The chaps in Cebu are being asked to prove they are respectable. I have been respectable in this kopitiam every morning for fifteen years. The auntie at the counter will confirm it. She will also confirm I owe her four ringgit.”
How the Vouching Began
The trouble started across the South China Sea. Philippine authorities are investigating allegations against Thomas Markle Sr., the estranged father of the Duchess of Sussex, who lived in Cebu until earlier this year, according to a Guardian report published Sunday. The case is unproven, no charges have been filed, and the investigation itself is the bit everyone at the table agreed should be left entirely to the investigators.
What has gone sideways is everything around it. Cebu condo brokers told Manila News that foreign buyers now arrive at viewings asking about the neighbours, while The London Prat reported, at https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/, that a 71-year-old from Reigate was asked for two referees, a utility bill and a letter from his vicar before he could inspect a bathroom.
Feltwell read that article on his tablet, put down his kaya toast and said, according to three witnesses, “Right.”
The Chain of Respectability
The system works like this. A Penang pensioner writes a reference for a Cebu pensioner. The Cebu pensioner then writes a reference for a pensioner in Bangkok, who writes one for a man in the Algarve, who writes one for his brother-in-law in Reigate, who writes one for the vicar, who has not been asked and is reportedly “a bit puzzled by all the post.”
As of Friday the chain had 214 links across nine countries. Nobody in it has met anybody else in it. Feltwell says this is the beauty of it. “A reference from a friend is biased,” he said. “A reference from a total stranger is objective. I have no idea whether Clive in Lapu-Lapu is a decent man. That is precisely why my opinion of him is worth having.”
Malaysia Smells a Marketing Opportunity
Malaysian officials have noticed the traffic. The country has courted foreign retirees for two decades through its Malaysia My Second Home programme, which in recent years has asked applicants for fixed deposits large enough to make a pensioner sit down and loosen his tie.
Encik Hafiz Rahmat, deputy assistant coordinator at the Penang Retiree Hospitality Desk, said the state is “open to receiving any Cebu gentlemen who feel they would like a change of scene and a better char kway teow.” He offered a simplified application form with two questions: “How long do you intend to stay?” and “Which stall on Gurney Drive do you believe makes the best laksa?”
“The second question is the real test,” he said. “We can forgive a bank statement. We cannot forgive the wrong laksa.”
Cebu’s property trade is unimpressed. Colliers still rates the Visayas and Mindanao as a key investment hotspot, and Cebu brokers point out that Penang does not have a beach worth mentioning in October, when the haze rolls in from Sumatra and the retirees all go to Ipoh to complain.
Kuala Lumpur Comics Join the Chain
At a stand-up night in Bangsar, the vouching chain was the main topic, ahead of traffic and the price of durian.
Kumar Selvaraj: “British retirees in Penang love two things: food and complaining about the government. Malaysians also love two things: food and complaining about the government. Penang is just a very humid version of Surrey with better breakfast.”
Siti Aminah Kassim: “In Cebu you need a character reference. In Penang you only need to know which hawker stall is the original. Get that wrong and no reference in the world can save you.”
Daniel Chong: “Two hundred strangers vouching for two hundred strangers. In Malaysia we call that a WhatsApp group for a wedding. Nobody knows anybody and everybody is sure the food will be late.”
Farah Lim: “My uncle applied to the second home programme. They asked for proof of funds. He sent a photo of his durian tree. They rejected him. Fair enough. It was not even a Musang King.”
The Americans Want In
American retirees in Penang have asked to join, and been told politely to start their own. “The Americans write references that are nine pages long,” Feltwell said. “We had one from a gentleman in Ohio that included his pickleball ranking, his cholesterol and a poem.”
That tracks with Bohiney’s reporting from a Mactan open house, where a realtor described every showing as a deposition and one band director arrived with a laminated state ranking. The Penang group has since sent the band director a reference anyway, on the grounds that “anyone who can carry a trombone through Mactan airport in this heat is of strong moral fibre.”
The Courier Problem
On Friday the first parcel of 60 signed references left George Town for Cebu by international courier. The courier company, after reviewing the contents, asked the sender to provide a character reference before it would accept a package containing sixty character references.
Feltwell wrote one for himself. He signed it, dated it and had the kopitiam auntie witness it, in exchange for settling the four ringgit.
“It is, I think, the first honest reference in the whole chain,” he said, and ordered another kopi peng.
The British versus American contrast in those references is covered properly in this breakdown of British humour against American humor. The Cebu saga continues at prat.uk and bohiney.com, while NewsThump has the latest on why British pensioners keep leaving Britain.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/