Fans receive a bobblehead of a security guard in a lanyard that does not move and apparently fears nothing
Dodger Stadium Debuts Sea Did Nothing Night, Hands Out Calm Bobbleheads
Fans receive a bobblehead of a security guard in a lanyard that does not move and apparently fears nothing
LOS ANGELES – The Dodgers announced a Filipino Heritage Night promotion on Friday, and the first 40,000 fans through the gates on game day will receive a collectible bobblehead of Mang Pedring, the Cebu security guard who reads the newspaper aloud in a half-empty condo lobby.
The bobblehead, 8 inches tall, depicts a man in a lanyard holding a folded newspaper. Unlike every other bobblehead in baseball, it does not bobble. A team spokesman said this was intentional. “The whole point of Pedring,” he said, “is that he remains calm.”
The Story Behind the Statue
Mang Pedring entered American consciousness through a Manila News report on the slump in Cebu condo sales, where he is described reading aloud to a lobby with no one in it. Dodgers marketing staff were moved. A senior vice president for promotions said she “had a feeling in her chest.”
The company is aware of the context. Philippine authorities are examining allegations concerning Thomas Markle Sr., the estranged father of the Duchess of Sussex, who lived in Cebu until earlier this year. No charges have been filed and the allegations are unproven. Child protection is serious business, and this piece is about the mood of a property market, nothing else. The team will donate a portion of proceeds from the night to a child protection charity in Los Angeles, and the spokesman asked that the promotion be taken “in the spirit of the guard, not the case.”
Other Giveaways Considered
The promotions committee reviewed several other ideas, according to meeting notes:
- A character reference pad, with a space for the signature of a vicar. Rejected: the pad would have to be signed by an actual vicar.
- A foam finger reading “The Sea Did Nothing.” Approved, but only in blue.
- A squid-shaped helmet that holds nachos. Approved, with the bone-free label.
- A cold coffee in a collectible cup. Rejected as “too realistic.”
- A live goat. Rejected, again, by risk management.
The International Seat Section
Tickets in the new “Referee Section” behind home plate are reserved for retirees who can produce a letter of good character. The idea was borrowed from The London Prat’s report on British pensioners in Cebu who are asked for referees, utility bills and a letter from the vicar, which is at https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/. A British fan named Alistair, seated in row 3 with a sandwich box, told reporters it was “the most civilised thing” he had seen in America.
Meanwhile, the American section was built around Bohiney’s story about Mactan open houses that now take two hours with a special “long inning” seating area. A stadium usher explained: “These are the people who ask a lot of questions. We put them near the beer.”
Inside the Promotions Office
The promotions office has been a hive of calm. Designers spent three weeks perfecting the bobblehead’s expression, which one called “neutral, but with a hint of having read something.” The lanyard was reproduced to scale, down to the stitching. A focus group of 80 fans was asked whether the figure looked trustworthy. Seventy-nine said yes. The eightieth asked whether it was available in a larger size, and was thanked for his time.
Comics in the Bleachers
- Rocky Villanueva: “A bobblehead that doesn’t bobble. That is the first honest object in the history of baseball.”
- Ingrid Sorensen: “The Dodgers gave away a security guard. In LA, security guards are the only people who say hello.”
- Percy Washington: “I caught a foul ball and was asked to provide two references. I said I’m a Dodgers fan and that is my reference. They let me keep it.”
- Delia Montoya: “The sea did nothing wrong, but the Dodgers bullpen did, and no one made a foam finger.”
The Business Behind the Night
The promotion also has an economic logic. The Philippines is a popular destination for Californians, and the property market is in decent shape. Colliers named the Visayas and Mindanao a key property investment hotspot in July, and foreign buyers still operate under the Condominium Act, limited to units with a 40 percent project cap. Retirees may investigate the Philippine Retirement Authority too.
The promotion’s emotional logic is better. In 1973, Tversky and Kahneman showed that people give extra weight to memorable events, and a stadium full of identical, motionless guards is memorable indeed. “By the seventh inning,” the vice president said, “no one will remember the headline. They will remember the guard.”
Game Night
On game night, 41,203 fans received the bobblehead. Within an hour, a resale market had opened outside the gates. By the eighth inning, the bobblehead was trading at $60. By the ninth, a man was selling one with a tiny sandwich box attached.
The Dodgers lost 4-2. Nobody noticed. The crowd stood, held up 41,203 motionless guards, and watched the sea of them glow in the setting sun.
Further reading sits at prat.uk and bohiney.com, while the British habit of laughing at queues and forms is documented at The Daily Mash. For why this sort of thing works, see this guide to American comedy.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/