An Italian qualitative study of people in polyamorous relationships finds that jealousy rarely disappears, but that treating it as a signal, communicating openly and seeing metamours as allies can help
Jealousy Does Not Disappear
A common assumption about polyamorous people, those who have multiple consensual romantic relationships, is that they simply do not feel jealous. Research suggests otherwise. Jealousy is a universal human emotion, and people in polyamorous relationships experience it too. What may differ is how they handle it. A July 2026 article by Emily Mendelson on Dr Justin Lehmiller’s Sex and Psychology blog examines new research on how polyamorous people manage jealousy.
The Study
The research, by Spada, De Vettor, Carone, Feligioni, Lo Buglio, Lingiardi, Giovanardi and Boldrini, was published in 2026 in the Journal of Sex Research. The team, based in Italy, conducted qualitative interviews with 15 people who had current or previous experience in polyamorous relationships, exploring the emotional realities of consensual non-monogamy. Qualitative studies like this do not produce statistics that apply to whole populations, but they offer rich insight into how people experience and make sense of their relationships.
Understanding Jealousy
Participants described jealousy not as a single emotion but as a mix of feelings, often rooted in insecurity, unmet needs, uncertainty or fear of losing a partner. That understanding is consistent with earlier research. A 2018 study by Rubinsky, involving 141 polyamorous individuals, found that jealousy often reflected concerns about one’s value and position in a partner’s life rather than simple possessiveness.
Rather than treating jealousy as something shameful to be suppressed, many participants treated it as a signal worth examining. They asked what the feeling was pointing to: a need for reassurance, more time together, clearer agreements or attention to their own insecurities. Once they understood the underlying need, they communicated with their partners and drew on their support networks.
Metamours As Allies
One distinctive finding concerned metamours, the term used for a partner’s other partners. It might be expected that metamours would be a major source of jealousy. For some participants, they were. But others described metamours as a source of positive feelings and relationship growth. Some came to see metamours as allies rather than rivals, which helped reduce jealousy. Building respectful, friendly relationships among everyone involved appears to be one way polyamorous networks reduce conflict.
Compersion
The article also discusses compersion, a concept widely used in polyamorous communities and studied by researchers including Balzarini and colleagues. Compersion describes the joy a person feels when seeing a partner happy or fulfilled with another partner. Some participants found it freeing, noting that they no longer had to be the sole source of their partner’s happiness. For some, developing compersion helped reduce jealousy.
The Central Message
The consistent message from participants was that jealousy is unlikely to disappear entirely, but that acknowledging it and talking about it can prevent it from becoming a larger problem. Polyamory, in this view, does not require being free of jealousy. It requires being willing to face jealousy honestly, communicate about it and adjust when needed.
Participants also emphasized the importance of self-reflection and personal support. Rather than expecting partners to solve every insecurity, many worked on their own sense of security through friendships, therapy, journaling or community networks. Having multiple sources of support meant that difficult feelings did not have to be carried by one relationship alone.
Clear agreements were another recurring theme. Couples and networks that discussed expectations openly, such as how time would be shared, what information would be disclosed and how changes would be negotiated, appeared better able to manage jealousy than those who left things vague. Agreements can be revisited as needs change, and many participants described renegotiation as a normal, healthy part of their relationships.
Lessons For Monogamous Couples
Although the study focused on polyamorous people, its insights are relevant to anyone. Monogamous partners also feel jealousy, whether triggered by a partner’s friendships, colleagues, past relationships or attention on social media. The strategies described by participants, recognizing jealousy as a signal, identifying the underlying need and talking openly rather than accusing, can help couples of any structure. Jealousy handled with curiosity tends to lead to understanding. Jealousy handled with suspicion tends to lead to conflict.
Choosing A Relationship Structure
Research on consensual non-monogamy has grown significantly in recent years, reflecting greater visibility of diverse relationship structures in Europe and elsewhere. Studies generally find that people in consensually non-monogamous relationships can report relationship satisfaction comparable to those in monogamous relationships, though experiences vary widely. Neither structure is inherently better. What seems to matter most is honesty, consent, clear agreements and the willingness of everyone involved to communicate.
Support And Resources
People exploring polyamory, or experiencing jealousy in any relationship, may benefit from working with a therapist who is knowledgeable about diverse relationship structures and free of judgment. Not all therapists have that experience, so it is worth asking before beginning. Community groups, books and online resources can also offer support and practical advice.
The Takeaway
Jealousy is part of being human. This research suggests that the goal is not to eliminate it but to understand it. Whether in a polyamorous network or a monogamous partnership, treating jealousy as information rather than as an enemy, and talking about it with honesty and care, can turn a painful emotion into an opportunity for greater understanding and closeness.