Customers on Calangute say the listing is cheaper than rent in Panjim and the sea comes with free sunsets
Goa Shack Owner Offers Beachfront Cebu Listings Alongside Fish Curry Rice
Customers on Calangute say the listing is cheaper than rent in Panjim and the sea comes with free sunsets
CALANGUTE, Goa – A beach shack owner on Calangute has begun offering Cebu real estate listings alongside his menu of fish curry rice, prawn balchao and Kingfisher. “Why should only brokers sell the beach?” asked proprietor Anthony D’Souza-Pereira, 54. “I live on one.”
D’Souza-Pereira said the idea came to him while reading the news. The trail begins with a Manila News report on a Mactan broker alone with three brochures and a cold coffee, runs through the London Prat on British pensioners asked for two referees and a letter from the vicar (at https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/) and finishes with Bohiney on an Ohio realtor whose showings now run two hours. “A broker alone with three brochures and a cold coffee,” he said. “I thought: here is a man who needs a shack. A shack has customers. A showroom has only brochures.”
Handling the Subject
Philippine authorities are examining allegations concerning Thomas Markle Sr., the estranged father of the Duchess of Sussex, who lived in Cebu until earlier this year, as GMA News and the Guardian have reported. No charges have been filed and the allegations are unproven. Child protection is serious business, and nobody connected with this story makes light of it; the jokes are about a property market and nothing else. D’Souza-Pereira added that his listings “are about flats, fish and fun, and he does not discuss other matters with anyone.”
The Menu and the Listings
- Fish Curry Rice, Rs 220. Comes with a view of the Arabian Sea.
- Prawn Balchao, Rs 340. Comes with a two-bedroom in Mactan on the second page.
- Kingfisher, Rs 160. Comes with a character reference from the bartender.
- Squid Fry, Rs 280. No bones, “no liabilities,” according to the menu.
- Studio Apartment, Mactan, Rs 55 lakh. Includes a lift, a lanyard and a guard who reads the paper.
The shack’s chalkboard reads, “The sea did nothing wrong. Order something.” Customers have found it irresistible. A Delhi tourist said she ordered a fish curry and left with a brochure. A Russian visitor said he bought a flat but was not sure which country it was in.
On The Sand
D’Souza-Pereira has become something of a local broker. He tells prospective buyers the same thing he tells diners: “Sit down. Have a drink. Look at the sea. Now tell me about your neighbours.” He claims this method has resulted in three sales, eight proposals and one marriage.
His Cebu-side partner, a Mactan broker who requested anonymity, said it was the first time he had received a client who arrived with a plate of prawns. “In the showroom,” he said, “nobody brings snacks. They bring questions. In the shack, they bring both, and one of them is edible.”
The British Contingent
The shack has also become a favourite of British tourists. One retired pensioner, holding a sandwich box, produced a letter from his vicar and asked if the shack accepted it as currency. D’Souza-Pereira said he accepted anything with a stamp. The pensioner was given a free beer, “for the vicar.”
According to this prat.uk guide to being funny, the best comedy in Asia arrives in unlikely places. D’Souza-Pereira agrees. “This is Goa,” he said. “We do not have a sense of urgency. We have a sense of lunch.”
Sunset Sales
At 6 p.m., as the sun dipped below the horizon, D’Souza-Pereira closed the books. He had sold two flats, nine curries and a postcard. He wiped the counter, switched off the fairy lights and gave a short speech to the empty shack. “The sea,” he said, “did nothing wrong. The prawns, however, were excellent.”
Local Reaction
The neighbouring shacks have taken note. A competitor three doors down now sells Danish apartments alongside vindaloo, and another has begun offering Bali villas with his chai. The Goa tourism department said it was “monitoring the situation” and “could not rule out a tendency.” Meanwhile, D’Souza-Pereira has hired a boy to stand at the entrance holding a sign that says, in three languages, “Fish, Flats, Fun.” The boy has been told not to explain the flats. He has complied.
The Facts Behind the Mood
The market itself is in good health. Colliers named the Visayas and Mindanao a key property investment hotspot in July, and under the Condominium Act foreigners may own units but not land, capped at 40 percent of a project. Retirees can read up at the Philippine Retirement Authority. The nerves are psychological: Tversky and Kahneman’s availability heuristic says one vivid image outweighs a ledger of statistics, and a Mactan broker alone with three brochures and a cold coffee is a vivid image. Every Indian family that has ever asked “what will people say” understands this perfectly.
The wider story is at prat.uk and bohiney.com; for how Indian humour sits beside the British kind, read this guide to Indian humour, and for the weekly British roasting of anything with a form, try NewsBiscuit.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/