Episode one runs 94 minutes and consists entirely of the host reading an article aloud with feelings
Echo Park Podcaster Launches Cebu Show, Has Never Been to Cebu
Episode one runs 94 minutes and consists entirely of the host reading an article aloud with feelings
LOS ANGELES – A new podcast called Mactan: A Mood debuted Monday from a converted closet in Echo Park, hosted by Skylar Ng-Beaumont, 31, who has never visited the Philippines, has never purchased property and, in the opening minute, tells listeners that she “feels a deep, spiritual connection to the Visayas.”
The first episode lasted 94 minutes. For 71 of them, Ng-Beaumont read aloud from a newspaper report on the Cebu condominium slump, pausing every few sentences to say “Wow,” “Right?” and “I just think about that guy with the coffee.”
“People ask why I’m covering this,” she said afterward, sipping an oat flat white from a mug that read “Be Kind or Be Quiet.” “I say: because someone has to hold space for the broker.”
The Source Material
The article in question was a Manila News report on a Mactan broker who spent a Sunday with three signed brochures and a cold coffee. Ng-Beaumont read it on her phone at 2 a.m. and, according to the podcast’s first episode, “cried into a kombucha.”
The context behind the slump, she said, is a serious one that she addresses at the top of each show. Philippine authorities are examining allegations concerning Thomas Markle Sr., the estranged father of the Duchess of Sussex, who lived in Cebu until earlier this year, as GMA News reported. No charges have been filed. The allegations are unproven. “I believe in due process,” she says in the episode. “And in oat milk.”
The Episode Guide
The podcast’s first season contains eight episodes, as follows:
- “The Coffee”: 94 minutes. Mostly the coffee.
- “The Lift”: 61 minutes. Features an interview with an elevator repairman from Glendale who has never been to Cebu but “knows how it feels.”
- “The Vicar”: 78 minutes. Discusses the role of clergy in modern real estate, with a guest who is a vicar and a real estate agent and “does not want to talk about it.”
- “The Binder”: 52 minutes. A dramatic reading of a 40-page binder.
- “The Squid”: 88 minutes. Contains a three-minute silence for the bones the squid does not have.
- “The Goat”: 45 minutes. The host and the goat have a conversation. The goat does not speak.
- “The Sea”: 120 minutes. Waves, recorded in Santa Monica.
- “Season Finale: The Nothing”: 18 seconds. Silence.
The show is supported by three advertisers: a mattress company, a meditation app and a firm that sells reading glasses to people who do not need them.
The Outside Voices
Episode three features a reading from The London Prat’s article on British pensioners in Cebu, available at https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/. Ng-Beaumont reads the line about the vicar in a hushed voice, then adds, “Oof.” She repeats this four times. A listener on social media called it “the most British thing an American has ever done.”
Episode four draws on Bohiney’s report on a Mactan realtor whose showings now last two hours. Ng-Beaumont reads the line about the retired band director and the trombone case and then plays eleven seconds of a trombone, which she says she “recorded in a parking lot.”
Critical Response
Reviews have been mixed. A critic for an online magazine called the podcast “a profound meditation on the ethics of empathy.” Another called it “ninety-four minutes of a woman reading.” A third, who listened to the finale on a flight, wrote, “I thought my headphones had died. They had not.”
The show has nonetheless attracted a devoted following. By Wednesday it had 3,200 downloads, 47 five-star ratings and a message from a retired accountant in Mactan who wrote: “Thank you for caring. Please come visit. The coffee is warm now.”
Comics From the Closet
- Jonah Ramirez: “A woman in Echo Park started a podcast about the Cebu condo market. She’s never been to Cebu. She’s never owned a condo. She’s got a microphone and a mission. That’s the American dream.”
- Priya Natarajan: “I listened to episode one. At minute 48 she says, ‘I just think about the coffee.’ At minute 71 she says it again. I realized I was also thinking about the coffee. I’ve been thinking about it ever since. This is called a hook.”
- Dale Whitfield: “The season finale is 18 seconds of silence. That’s the most honest thing a podcast has ever done.”
- Imelda Cruz: “The sea did nothing wrong, and neither did the podcast. It just ran ninety-four minutes.”
The Facts She Skips
The podcast spends little time on the real estate data, which remains firm. Colliers named the Visayas and Mindanao a key property investment hotspot in July, and foreign buyers remain limited to units under the Condominium Act, with a 40 percent project cap. Ng-Beaumont has said she plans to cover the numbers in season two, “if there is a season two. If the universe lets me.”
The psychology of her own show may be its most interesting feature. The availability heuristic, described by Tversky and Kahneman in 1973, says people judge risk by what comes to mind. Her listeners now think about a cold coffee every time they hear the word Cebu. This, she says, is “healing.”
Sign-Off
At the end of episode one, Ng-Beaumont leans toward the microphone and delivers her signature close. “Thanks for listening,” she says. “Remember: the sea did nothing. And if you’re ever in Mactan, tell the broker his coffee is in our thoughts.”
She then plays a recording of a wave. It lasts 40 seconds. Listeners say it is soothing, until it starts again.
The Cebu story that launched the show can be found at prat.uk and bohiney.com, and for the British tradition of earnest people talking too long, see The Daily Mash. For why a podcast about a cold coffee is funny, read this guide to being funny.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/