Popular Insite on Life in London
Citi Bike Docking Station Achieves Sentience, Immediately Complains About Being Full – Engineers confirm the station’s newfound consciousness has not improved its actual functionality whatsoever
Celebrity Sighting at Local Bodega Confirmed by Seventeen Separate, Wildly Inconsistent Eyewitness Accounts – Descriptions of the alleged celebrity ranged from ‘definitely him’ to ‘actually now that I think about it, maybe not’
Central Park Pigeon Successfully Panhandles More Money Than Three Human Buskers Combined, Study Finds – Researchers note the pigeon employs ‘no discernible strategy beyond persistence and mild eye contact’
MTA Rat Formally Requests Transfer to a Cleaner, Less Depressing Subway Line – Union rep says the rat has ‘legitimate grievances’ about the L train’s current condition
Brunch Waitlist in Williamsburg Now Requires References and a Brief Personal Essay – Restaurant defends the policy, calling it ‘a natural response to demand, and also just a fun creative exercise’
Studio Apartment Listed for $3,200 a Month Includes ‘Access to a Window,’ Not Ownership of One – Broker clarifies tenant may look through the window but ‘opening privileges are a separate negotiation’
Wall Street Intern Now Expenses Personality Traits, Company Confirms – HR memo clarifies ‘confidence,’ ‘work-life balance,’ and ‘a sense of humor’ are all technically billable under the new pilot program
Tourist Confidently Informs Locals That the Empire State Building Is ‘Actually Not That Tall’ – Visitor reportedly compared it unfavorably to a building he saw once in a video game
Dating App Profile Now Requires Applicants to List Their Preferred Pizza Fold, No Exceptions – Company insists the question ‘weeds out incompatible matches faster than almost anything else we have tried’
Doorman Reveals He Has Been Running an Informal Advice Column for the Entire Building Since 2011 – Residents confirm his relationship guidance is ‘weirdly more accurate’ than most licensed professionals they’ve paid for