Fans get a free vicar bobblehead on opening night, and the team slogan is It Is Fine
Minor League Team Becomes Mactan Mudcats, Mascot Is a Calm Squid With a Lanyard
Fans get a free vicar bobblehead on opening night, and the team slogan is It Is Fine
TOLEDO, Ohio – A Triple-A baseball team in Toledo has rebranded itself the Mactan Mudcats, adopting a calm squid with a lanyard as its mascot and “It Is Fine” as its slogan. General manager Kimberly Alvarez-Boone, 43, said the change was prompted by “a sudden national interest in Cebu.”
The rebrand was inspired by news from the Philippines. The trail begins with a Manila News report on a Mactan broker alone with three brochures and a cold coffee, runs through the London Prat on British pensioners asked for two referees and a letter from the vicar (at https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/) and finishes with Bohiney on an Ohio realtor whose showings now run two hours. “The Ohio realtor in that story,” said Alvarez-Boone, “was from Toledo. Of course we had to do something.”
The Delicate Introduction
Philippine authorities are examining allegations concerning Thomas Markle Sr., the estranged father of the Duchess of Sussex, who lived in Cebu until earlier this year, as GMA News and the Guardian have reported. No charges have been filed and the allegations are unproven. Child protection is serious business, and nobody connected with this story makes light of it; the jokes are about a property market and the ballpark. Alvarez-Boone added that the franchise “will not use the name of any individual on merchandise, and will donate to a children’s charity from the proceeds of every squid sold.”
Opening Night Promotions
- Vicar bobblehead, first 3,000 fans. It does not bobble.
- Cold Coffee Night. Every ticket includes a cup of coffee, served cold, “for authenticity.”
- Reference Row. A section where fans are seated only after two neighbors vouch for them.
- Squid-Throwing Contest. No squid are harmed; the squid are soft toys with no bones.
- The Sea Did Nothing Wrong Fireworks. Fireworks are not set off. A man in a suit stands and says nothing.
The team’s new mascot, named Pedring, wears a lanyard and holds a rolled newspaper. He reads aloud to an empty section of the stands between innings. “It is a gentle presence,” said the mascot’s handler, a college student named Tyler. “Children love him. Adults find him unsettling, which is the point.”
Community Response
Local businesses have welcomed the change. A Toledo estate agent plans to give every home buyer a Mudcats cap. A rival agent said the cap would need to be accompanied by a reference. The mayor said he would attend opening night provided he could bring a sandwich box.
The team’s colors have been changed to beige, grey and a pale taupe. A designer said the palette was chosen “to be reassuringly forgettable.” Season tickets sold out in an afternoon, mostly to retirees and one goat.
On the Field
The Mudcats, for their part, are not very good. They finished last season 51-93. Alvarez-Boone said that did not matter. “Our fans don’t come for wins,” she said. “They come to feel fine.” The new manager, a former pilot, promised only that the team would “take off, but not necessarily land.”
On opening night, the Mudcats lost 9-0. The crowd gave them a standing ovation. The squid mascot, in the seventh inning, folded his newspaper, waved to the crowd and walked slowly into the sea of seats. Nobody followed.
Merchandise
The team store has been overwhelmed. Besides the vicar bobblehead and the squid plush, fans are buying lanyards, laminated “You Are Fine” cards, tote bags embroidered with “Two Referees Required” and a tiny framed print of a calm sea. A gift-shop clerk named Brenda said the best seller was the empty sandwich box, priced at $6. “People ask what is in it,” she said. “I tell them, nothing. They buy two.” A rival minor-league team has asked for the rights to sell the box and been told they must supply a reference.
The mascot, asked to describe the team’s long-term plan, held up his newspaper, pointed to a crossword and shrugged. Fans took this to mean a championship within five years. The front office said it meant a nap.
The mascot’s contract runs through next season and includes a clause requiring him to remain calm during rain delays, fireworks and any visit from a regional manager. He has signed it with a pen supplied by a vicar, in triplicate.
The Real Numbers
For fans who want the box score behind the mood, the market itself is fine. Colliers named the Visayas and Mindanao a key property investment hotspot in July, and under the Condominium Act foreigners may own units but not land, capped at 40 percent of any project. Retirees can read up at the Philippine Retirement Authority. The jitters are a cognitive thing: Tversky and Kahneman’s availability heuristic says one vivid image beats a season of statistics, and a Mactan broker alone with three brochures and a cold coffee is a very vivid image indeed. Baseball fans know this well. One error in the ninth is remembered; a hundred and sixty-one clean games are not.
The full story lives at prat.uk and bohiney.com; for the British view of any sport played slowly, try The Daily Mash.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/