The Treasury found 2.6 billion pounds but not a server that could cope with me typing in a postcode.
LONDON, England (The London Prat) – I have been awake since six, which is not a political act but felt like one, and I have spent the best part of the morning being told by a government website that it is experiencing high demand. I am in a queue to find out which council tax band I live in. I have lived in the flat for eleven years. I have been paying the bill for eleven years. It seems the Treasury now needs me to prove where I live before it will return a hundred pounds of my own money.
Morning: The Checker
The Budget, for those who have been lucky enough to be elsewhere, gave a one-off Household Energy Payment of 100 pounds to about 20 million households in council tax bands A to D, at a cost of 2.6 billion pounds, according to ITV’s rundown of what John Healey announced. The same report notes, without any visible embarrassment, that the council tax band checker temporarily crashed because of high demand.
I would like to say I find this funny. I find it instructive. A government that cannot keep one web page upright for an afternoon has promised to put artificial intelligence into the civil service, and I will come to that on another day.
My neighbour from upstairs, Mr Pettifer, who is seventy-one and distrusts any form that asks for a password, came down at ten to compare notes. He is certain he is a band C. I am certain he is a band D. We agreed to differ and shared a packet of ginger nuts, which is how most of the nation’s fiscal policy is actually settled.
Midday: The Standing Charge Mystery
The part of the Budget that people seem to like best is the abolition of the gas standing charge. The Chancellor said it would go “from next year”. I wrote this down in my notebook in capitals, because nobody says anything that simple any more.
It turns out to be less simple. Full Fact’s check of the Budget claims found that the Budget document actually says the aim is “by the end of 2027 or as soon as possible after then”, and that a Treasury spokesperson said this means 2028. So “next year” is a figure of speech, like “I’ll be five minutes” or “the cheque is in the post”.
I do not wish to be unfair. The scrapping of the charge is real, it is reported to save around 45 pounds a year for the average account-holding household, and the Treasury has chosen to recover the cost through the unit rate rather than by conjuring it from nowhere. That is a policy, and it is a proper one. It is the calendar that has been stretched, and Somebody, somewhere, has pencilled the stretch in.
A short list of things I have learned today
- The checker is slower than the post.
- Next year can mean the year after.
- A one-off payment is called a payment, because calling it relief would be embarrassing in February.
- Mr Pettifer has never in his life been wrong about a band.
Afternoon: The Poll
I went to the corner shop for milk and a newspaper, because I am the sort of person who still believes that holding a thing makes it truer. Dalloway’s News had sold out of the broadsheets by lunchtime, which tells you the Budget was a good day for the printed word.
The cheerful bit of the news, and I always try to find one, is that the public seems to have taken it rather well. YouGov’s survey for The Times found 45 per cent of Britons thought the Budget fair against 20 per cent who thought it unfair, the most positive reception since 2021. Removing gas standing charges, delaying the fuel duty rise and extending the electricity VAT cut were each judged the right thing to do by 83 to 84 per cent. The least popular measure was the 2 per cent rise in tax on property or savings interest.
It is only fair to say so. Last year the same exercise produced a figure of 48 per cent unfair. A government which goes from a kicking to a shrug in twelve months has, in its own terms, achieved something, and I would rather say so drily than pretend otherwise.
The same poll, however, finds that 56 per cent of people expect the Budget to make no real difference to their family. That is the number I would frame. A fiscal event that crashed a council website and has left more than half the country shrugging is a remarkable piece of engineering.
Late Afternoon: The Fine Print
I read the climate section next, since a friend had sent it with a single exclamation mark. Carbon Brief’s summary of the energy announcements says forecasts suggest the price cap could rise by about 470 pounds in the new year to around 2,200 pounds, and that the heat pump scheme is held at 400 million pounds, which it describes as a cut of around 800 million over three years.
So the Budget helps with the bill, and trims the thing that would reduce the bill. I do not say this is a contradiction, because there is probably a spreadsheet somewhere in which it reconciles. I say only that the spreadsheet was not the one I was shown.
A friend of mine who farms, and who reads Budgets with a pencil, sent me a link to a piece about processors finding 15 billion for factories while there is nothing extra for farmers. I felt a great deal of sympathy with the farmers. I am, myself, currently a person who has found nothing extra, and who also does not know what band she lives in.
Evening: The Answer
At twenty past six the checker finally loaded. It told me I am a band E. I am not eligible. I stared at the screen for some time, and then I laughed, quietly, with the particular noise of a woman who has spent seven hours on a government website to discover she is exempt from the hundred pounds.
Mr Pettifer rang to say he is a band B and has already been assured of his payment. He sounded as if he had personally negotiated it. I did not have the heart to explain.
I put the notebook away and made soup. For a calmer take on the week, a decent place to start is the British Onion, and if you want to be sure that the thing you are reading is real news and not a columnist in a bad mood, there is a UK checklist for telling real news from a column. Neither will tell you your band.
The Chancellor, I gather, expects to be judged on results. The best result I can report today is that the soup was good. Anyone whose checker is still loading will find more of my daily notes at The London Prat, which at least does not ask for a postcode.
Tomorrow I shall ring the council, who will, I am sure, be busy.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/