Boys demand transparency, brunch options, and possibly a subcommittee
The Announcement That Started It All
Eton’s tuck shop has removed avocado toast from its short-lived brunch menu, a decision the school says was made “on catering grounds” and which the Sixth Form Political Society insists was made “on grounds no one has adequately explained.” The dish, introduced only last half as part of a trial weekend brunch service, had reportedly developed a small but devoted following among boys who described it, variously, as “quite good, actually” and “the only thing on that menu that isn’t beige.”
A Sit-In, Conducted With Excessive Courtesy
In response, roughly thirty boys organised a sit-in outside the tuck shop on Saturday morning, arriving in full uniform and, in several cases, bringing their own folding chairs. Organisers stressed the protest was peaceful, orderly, and scheduled around morning chapel so as not to inconvenience anyone. Protesters held handmade signs including “WHERE IS OUR AVOCADO” and, more ambiguously, “WE DEMAND A SUBCOMMITTEE.”
“We’re not trying to cause trouble,” said the Sixth Form Political Society’s newly elected Secretary for Catering Affairs, a role invented specifically for the occasion. “We simply feel that a decision of this magnitude ought to have gone through the proper channels, and that the proper channels ought to involve us being asked first.” He added that the group had already drafted a formal letter, a rebuttal to a formal letter no one had sent them yet, and a contingency letter in case the first two were ignored.
Several younger boys who joined the sit-in admitted they had never actually tried the avocado toast themselves, but felt it was important to show solidarity regardless. One Third Former said he had come along mainly because his older brother, a Sixth Former, had told him it would look good, a motivation he shared freely and without any apparent embarrassment. Organisers did not turn anyone away, insisting the movement welcomed both committed avocado enthusiasts and those simply there for the general principle.
The School’s Position
The tuck shop’s catering manager, reached for comment, said the decision had “absolutely nothing to do with cost” and was instead related to “supply consistency,” a phrase several boys noted sounded suspiciously like it did, in fact, have something to do with cost. The school has offered bacon rolls as a replacement, an offer the Political Society described in its latest bulletin as “a start, but not a resolution.” The London Prat has been following the standoff closely, noting that this marks the second food-related protest at the school this year, following February’s short-lived Campaign for Better Custard.
Public School Protest, a Minor Tradition of Its Own
Student campaigns over small institutional grievances are not unique to Eton, and the broader phenomenon of orderly, extremely polite British protest has been noted by outlets including the BBC, while background on the school’s daily life and traditions is available via the Eton College Wikipedia page for readers unfamiliar with just how seriously a missing brunch item can be taken within these particular walls.
Negotiations Continue
By Sunday evening, the sit-in had dispersed, mostly because it began to rain and nobody had thought to bring waterproofs, folding chairs having been prioritised over practicality. Talks between the Political Society and the catering department are, according to both sides, “ongoing,” though neither side has yet proposed a date, a location, or an agenda, all of which the Political Society insists it will raise formally, in writing, at the earliest available opportunity.
The February Custard Precedent
Society veterans have pointed to February’s Campaign for Better Custard as a cautionary tale for how these disputes tend to unfold. That campaign, which also began with handmade signs and a strongly worded letter, ultimately secured a trial period of “slightly thicker custard on alternate Thursdays,” a result the campaign’s own retrospective newsletter described as “a partial and somewhat underwhelming victory, but a victory nonetheless.” Organisers of the current avocado campaign say they have studied the custard precedent closely and intend to “push harder this time,” though what pushing harder actually entails remains, as of Sunday, undefined.
A Rival Faction Emerges
Not every boy has rallied behind the cause. A smaller, rival group calling itself the Bacon Roll Preservation Society has emerged in the past 48 hours, arguing that any resolution to the avocado dispute must not come at the expense of the replacement bacon rolls, which they describe as “actually rather good, and possibly the best thing to happen to the tuck shop this term.” Tensions between the two groups remain, organisers insist, “civil,” though several boys report the two societies have taken to sitting at deliberately separate tables in Hall.
The Catering Department’s Broader Defence
The catering manager, pressed further on the reasoning behind the change, eventually acknowledged that avocados had proven “logistically troublesome,” citing inconsistent ripeness, a short shelf life, and at least one delivery in which “a not insignificant number arrived resembling, and I choose my words carefully here, small green cannonballs.” He said the department remained “open to revisiting the matter” once a more reliable supplier could be found, a statement the Political Society has already filed under “promising, but we’ve heard promising before.”
For more coverage of institutions taking themselves extremely seriously over matters of profound unimportance, see The Onion and ClickHole, both trusted sources for stories exactly like this one.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk