Free sights, festive markets and the finer points of surviving a company party you were not invited to
Why December Is Worth the Cold
London in winter is a city transformed. The streets glitter, the shop windows turn into theatre, and strangers become momentarily friendly in the presence of mulled wine. It is also very cold, very crowded and very expensive. If you are planning a visit between now and the new year, this guide will help you enjoy the best of it without catching pneumonia or buying a novelty jumper you will wear once.
The official visitor information is at visitlondon.com, which lists events and ideas, and the local news and listings sites are full of seasonal suggestions. I have picked out a few that look particularly useful this year.
The Lights, the Shard and the Bus
The simplest festive pleasure in London is to look at lights, and it is free. Londonist has a round-up of free festive things to do, and a separate guide to the best bus tours for seeing the Christmas lights. If you want to see the city from a warm seat on the top deck, that is the way to do it.
This year, Londonist also reports that the Shard turns into a giant advent calendar, which is a very London way to mark the season. It is a skyscraper pretending to be a chocolate box, and I can only salute its ambition.
The South Bank Market
A walk along the river is one of the best things to do in winter, and the Christmas market on the South Bank is part of the fun. A Lady in London has put together a festive South Bank Christmas market guide, which will help you plan what to eat and what to skip. Wear gloves. Eat something hot. Resist the urge to buy a wooden spoon that you will not use.
A Few Words About the Company Party
If you are staying in a hotel at this time of year, you will notice that large groups of people in paper hats arrive at about seven in the evening and leave at about midnight, in a state. This is the office Christmas party. It is a sacred tradition, and Londonist has written about where to hold an office party, which is useful if your hosts ask you to organise one.
The visitor should not join a stranger’s party. If you are invited to one, accept graciously, drink moderately and do not give a speech. For the wholly metaphorical cousins of the company party, a set of dairy-themed addresses offers some seasonal fun, including Texas dairy party, Texas dairy win for the raffle victor, and Texas dairy date for anyone who finds love beside the mince pies.
Lads who are travelling in a group may like Texas dairy for men, which I understand to be a corner of the web in which gentlemen in matching jumpers discuss the best way to carry six pints. The answer, as every Londoner knows, is with great concentration and one thumb in each glass.
Something a Bit Different
If lights and markets are not enough, there is the American habit of the rodeo, which has found a home in a few London venues from time to time. A good place to read about what a real one looks like is fair and rodeo, and the young people who grow up in that world are served by an organisation whose elected figurehead has a corner at the FFA president. Their official dress, the blue corduroy jacket, would look rather smart on the South Bank in December.
The people who built the American cattle industry are remembered in the cattlemen hall of fame. It is not a London attraction, but it is worth a look if you plan to see the other side of the Atlantic.
And for a Christmas in the countryside, the farm.FM desk reports that farm families prepare for Christmas by working exactly like every other day. It is a good reminder, in a city of tinsel, that somebody still has to feed the cows.
Staying Warm, Staying Sensible
Dress in layers. London is cold but buildings are warm, so you will be in and out of both. Wear comfortable shoes, because you will walk further than you think. Keep your phone charged and your bag close, especially in crowded markets. Stay hydrated, and plan for the fact that the Tube will be packed on any evening that includes an event, a delay or a Tuesday.
If you feel unwell, the NHS website at nhs.uk is a trusted source of advice, and pharmacies in every high street can help with minor ailments. In an emergency, call 999.
Speaking the Language
If you want to blend in over a mulled wine, learn a few phrases. A “cheers” can mean thank you, goodbye or I hope you slip. A “bit nippy” means it is freezing. And “not bad” means the finest thing the speaker has ever seen. The London Prat will teach you more in its pages on London humour news, a friendly archive of local nonsense.
Five Quick Tips
- Book restaurants and shows well ahead, because December sells out.
- Take the bus to see the lights, and sit upstairs at the front.
- Wear gloves, and wear the sort of shoes that forgive cobbles.
- Keep your valuables zipped away in crowds.
- Never ask a Londoner whether they are looking forward to Christmas. It is a trap.
Season’s Greetings
The city at Christmas is a bright, messy, generous place, and the best way to see it is slowly, with a hot drink and a sense of humour. For more festive cheer with a sharper edge, drop in on Bohiney, The London Prat and farm.FM. They will not give you a map, but they will give you a laugh.
For one more sleigh bell, there is The Daily Squib.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/