A dispatch from the front lines of London dating, where every profile now includes a passion project involving a microphone and strong opinions
I have been on four dates this month. All four men had podcasts. Not “were thinking about starting a podcast.” Not “used to have a podcast in 2019 that they quietly let die.” Active, currently recording, actively seeking guests podcasts. I do not know what has happened to London’s dating pool but somewhere in the last eighteen months every man between twenty-eight and thirty-five appears to have acquired a microphone, an opinion about masculinity or crypto or both, and a Spotify page with fourteen listens, eleven of which are his mum.
Date One: The Business Podcast
Date one worked in finance and had a podcast about “disrupting traditional wealth mindsets,” which as far as I could tell during a genuinely exhausting forty minutes of listening to him explain it unprompted, meant he talked to other men in finance about compound interest while wearing a blazer indoors. He asked, halfway through our second drink, whether I’d be interested in coming on as a guest to discuss “the female perspective on money.” I have never wanted to leave a bar faster in my life.
Date Two: The Mental Health Podcast, Delivered Without Irony
Date two had a podcast about vulnerability and emotional openness, which sounds lovely in theory and was, in practice, forty-five minutes of him narrating his own feelings to me in real time as though I were a recording device rather than a woman he was meant to be getting to know. He referred to our date, unprompted, as “content.” I did not hear from him again, which I have decided to interpret as him simply not finding our evening usable for an episode.
Date Three: The One With No Actual Listeners, and No Shame About It
Date three’s podcast had, by his own admission, nine total listens across its entire eight-episode run, four of which were him checking if it uploaded correctly. He talked about it for twenty straight minutes with the confidence of a man discussing a hit show. I found this one genuinely endearing, if I’m honest. There’s something almost sweet about a man that committed to an audience of nine people, one of whom is a bot.
Date Four: A Brief, Merciful Reprieve
Date four did not mention a podcast for the entire first hour, and I nearly cried with relief. Then, over dessert, he mentioned he was “between projects” but had “a really strong concept” for one about London property prices. I did not ask for details. I paid for my own dessert and left at a reasonable hour, satisfied that I had, at minimum, delayed the podcast reveal longer than any prior date this month.
What I Am Beginning to Suspect
I am starting to wonder whether the podcast has simply replaced the guitar as the default hobby men reach for when they want to appear interesting without the inconvenience of actually being interesting, and I say this as someone who once dated a man with a guitar he could not play beyond the opening four chords of one Oasis song, so I am not without my own history of falling for exactly this kind of bit. At least the guitar stayed in the corner of the room quietly. The podcast wants to talk. Further London dating diary entries continue at bohiney.com, with additional London lifestyle coverage available at prat.uk.
SOURCE: https://prat.UK/