The government has found almost 140 million pounds for winter, and I have found a chair with only one arm.
LONDON, England – I am writing this on a plastic chair with a wobble, in a corridor that smells of hand gel and optimism, holding a paper ticket with the number 43 on it. They are serving 31. I have brought a flask, a library book and a tangerine, and I intend to be the best-prepared person in the room, which is a low bar in a room where somebody has brought a lamp.
The appointment
I am here for a flu jab, which is the cheerful end of the building. My sister Fenella booked it for me, in the way she books everything for me, by announcing at Sunday lunch that it has already been done and I am to turn up. According to the government, more than 7.4 million flu vaccinations had been delivered in England by 11 October, so apparently the entire country has been in this corridor, and I am merely the last one to find the chair.
The woman next to me has a clipboard and the quiet confidence of a person who has done this before. She says the trick is to look neither at the clock nor at the receptionist. I looked at the clock. It said that it was a clock.
The announcement
To pass the time I read the government’s announcement of a 140 million pound boost to urgent care on my phone. The Health Secretary, Yvette Cooper, has put almost 140 million pounds into 14 new urgent care schemes in England. They include new urgent treatment centres, same day emergency care services, new ambulance fleets and upgrades to emergency departments. There are also 25 new or expanded urgent care sites, announced in April, due to open for the winter.
I like the phrase “same day emergency care”. The “same day” is the reassuring part. Everyone who has ever sat in a corridor wishes the word “same day” could be fitted to everything else in life, including the plumber and the council.
The biggest single slice, 42.1 million pounds, goes to Queen’s Hospital in Romford. The announcement says its A and E was built for around 325 patients a day and now treats more than twice that. I read that line aloud to the woman with the clipboard. She said, “That is not a building, that is a bus in the rush hour,” and I wrote it on the back of my ticket.
Elsewhere, East Midlands Ambulance Service is getting 40 additional double-crewed ambulances, funded at 6.35 million pounds. I would like to say a word for the people who will sit in them. Whatever you think of the budget, the person in the green uniform who turns up at 3 a.m. should get the biggest cheer the corridor can manage.
Things I have been told to expect this winter
- That the news will mention “winter pressures” every day, as if they were a seasonal fruit.
- That household gas and electricity bills will reach almost 2,000 pounds a year from early 2027, according to the forecast LBC reported alongside the Jackdaw gas decision.
- That a hot-water bottle is a form of national infrastructure.
- That Gordon from number 14 will describe his cold, at length, as “nothing, really”.
- That the corridor will still be here, and so will I.
Number 37
They have reached 37. A man in a heavy coat has gone in and come out, with a leaflet and the expression of a person who has been lightly told off by a poster. Fenella has texted to ask whether I have been jabbed. I replied that I am in a queue with a tangerine and a sense of occasion. She replied with a thumbs-up, which in our family is the same as a sworn statement.
The neighbour across the road, who is retired and uses the phrase “in my day” as a form of punctuation, said last week that the whole winter plan would go Pete Tong. If you are not up on your rhyming slang, there is a guide to Cockney rhyming slang on The London Prat, which I recommend for waiting rooms of all sizes. It also does very well with apples and pears, which is what the council refuses to fix outside our front door.
Hot milk, with nutmeg
My grandmother’s winter plan was hot milk with a grating of nutmeg, taken at nine, and a belief that the weather would take the hint. It occurs to me that this is as detailed as most official plans, and cheaper. I looked up what milk is doing these days and found a farm.fm piece on how milk prices rise above 20 and farmers celebrate until the milk checks arrive. I understand that feeling entirely. It is the feeling of being told the good news before somebody works out what it costs.
It is only fair to say that this is a hopeful announcement as well as a funny one. Nearly 2 billion pounds is earmarked for urgent care capital projects up to 2030, with a separate 1.5 billion for urgent maintenance across the NHS estate. A building is worth looking after, even if it does smell faintly of lemon and panic. I am all for fixing the roof before the weather, which is not a sentence I get to say about my own house.
43
They have called my number. A nurse with a kind voice and warm hands has asked me to roll up my sleeve and talk about anything at all. I told her about the tangerine. The needle was over before I had finished the sentence, and she gave me a small plaster with a picture on it, which I intend to wear into town like a medal.
I am going home on the bus with a sore arm and a good deal of respect. I keep a daily record of days like this one, and you can find more of my daily notes at The London Prat. If you are ever unsure whether something you read is real, a UK checklist for telling commentary from news will settle it before the kettle boils.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/