Researchers at San Diego State University found a gap between how often women discuss sex with friends and how often they wish they could.
SAN DIEGO, California (Sex News) – Most women say they rarely talk about sex with their closest female friends, yet a new study suggests that they would like to do so far more often. The research, published in The Journal of Sex Research, was led by Katrina L. Pariera, an associate professor of communication at San Diego State University, and points to anticipated embarrassment and internalized shame as key reasons conversations stay unspoken.
The study: 608 women and 17 topics
According to PsyPost’s write-up of the paper, Pariera worked with co-authors Aliyah Blasband and Maggie Job. The team recruited 608 women in the United States through the online research platform Prolific. They ranged in age from 20 to 77, with an average age of about 45, and all said they spoke with at least one female friend every week. The study was preregistered, meaning the researchers set out their plans publicly before collecting data, and the data were gathered in late 2025.
Participants were asked how often they discussed each of 17 sexual health and sexuality topics with friends, how often they wished they could, and how they expected friends to react if they raised topics that had not come up before. The researchers also measured internalized sexual shame.
A wide gap between talk and wish
On average, women reported discussing these topics rarely: the combined score was 1.82 on a four-point scale. But they said they wanted to talk about all 17 topics more often than they currently did. Birth control, condoms and sexually transmitted infections were among the subjects women most wanted to raise more.
That detail matters for public health. Conversations about contraception and infection prevention are exactly the sort of practical sexual health topics that many health educators hope people will share with peers, particularly because friends are often a first port of call for information. The study does not test whether more conversation would lead to better outcomes, but it shows an unmet appetite for it.
Why women hold back
About 79 percent of the women expected at least one negative reaction from a friend if they brought up a topic that had not been discussed before. The most common fear, named by 60.2 percent, was that the friend would feel uncomfortable. Those expectations were tied to concerns about graphic content and disgust, according to the report.
The role of internalized shame
Women who scored higher on internalized sexual shame tended to expect more negative reactions, with a moderate correlation of .32. Age played a comparatively small role, so the reluctance was not limited to younger or older women. Put plainly, the barrier appears to be less about what friends actually say and more about what women predict they will say, which is shaped by wider messages that sex is something to be kept private.
Strengths of the design
The preregistration is a point in the study’s favor, because it reduces the chance that the analysis was shaped after the fact to produce neat results. The wide age range, from 20 to 77, also means the findings are not limited to students, which is common in sexuality research. And because the study measured both what women do and what they wish they did, it captures a gap between behavior and preference that a simple count of conversations would miss.
How this fits earlier research
Pariera has studied this area before. A 2018 report on her earlier paper, published in the International Journal of Sexual Health while she was at George Washington University, described a survey of 617 women. It found that supportive conversations about sex with female friends were associated with higher sexual self-efficacy, for example confidence in asking a partner to get tested for infections, and with higher sexual self-esteem.
The same earlier work found a more mixed picture. Informational conversations were linked to greater awareness of safer sex methods but not to actually practicing them, and both kinds of conversation were associated with overestimating how much other women approve of risky behavior. In other words, talking with friends can help, but it is not a guarantee of accurate information. That is one reason sexual health educators emphasize reliable sources alongside peer conversation.
What the study cannot tell us
The authors and the report are open about the limits:
- Women described how they imagined friends would react. The study did not observe real conversations or survey the friends, who may be more open than expected.
- The design was cross-sectional, so the associations cannot show whether shame causes silence or the reverse.
- Participants were U.S. women with weekly contact with a female friend, so the findings may not apply to women who are more isolated, or to people in other countries and cultures.
- The new scales the team created still need validation in other samples.
- Racial and ethnic differences were not analyzed, because a sizeable share of participants (22.9 percent) skipped that question.
The sample also included only women, so the research does not say how men talk to male friends, or how people of other genders discuss sex with their peers.
Why it matters
For readers, the practical message is modest but useful. If you have been reluctant to bring up contraception, testing or sexual wellbeing with a close friend, the study suggests many friends may be holding the same unspoken wish. It does not suggest anyone should share more than they want to, and consent and comfort apply to conversation as much as to sex. For concerns about sexual health itself, a doctor, nurse or sexual health clinic is a better source than any peer chat.
More of PsyPost’s coverage in this field can be browsed in its relationships and sexual health section. For dating and relationships from the comedy side, Bohiney Magazine offers a lighter read, though it is no substitute for research like this.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/